Tonight he exited the air-conditioned building he’d sat in since before sunset. The muggy night enveloped him, its warmth like a tongue sealed it all in and sent him on his way, memories of similar warm summer nights playing in his head.

Do you ever get that feeling? The feeling of rightness in what is happening. It happened for me tonight. Flipping through radio channels on my way up 880 and “Roll Away Your Stone” came on KFOG and it was just right. All windows down, hand tumbling in the passing air… it seems that all my bridges have been burnt, but you say that’s exactly how this grace thing works… I didn’t know what I was looking for, but the song was It; the rest of the way different. ‘It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart, but the welcome I receive at the restart.’

On Sunday, during Albert’s sermon I was struck. I’m not sure what the connection was, which neuron fired, but I had one of those moments where what I already knew sunk in, where the Obvious became Profound (do you know what that’s like?).

Andrew just wrote this really good post summarizing the guys’ intern year. Little snippets of hard conversations that really get to the heart of the issues we wrestled with this past year.

Anyways, in some way, Albert’s sermon reminded me of God’s Grace for us (this is a good thing, no?). The question that entered my mind was ‘If I feel, in any way, disdain or condescension towards my fellow man, how can the Gospel be real to me?’ That is, if I really knew/know God in all his infinite goodness and beauty, and even have a smidgen of self-awareness, how can I see people as anything but fellow Sufferers? As pre-glorified Brothers and Sisters. People who need to know what I know, just as much as I did/do.

We’ve encountered a lot of ugliness this year. I guess the humbling thing for myself is that I find the worst and most vile things I’ve seen are the things in my heart. The way that when Hurt and Pain and Messy crystallize into something real (in the same way that Goodness and Mercy and Love crystallized into someone real, in Jesus), and I am confronted with real, live poor and needy people, my heart leaps towards disgust. My mind grasps for a reason to disengage and excuses to not Love. “Sure we are all unlovable…” but surely, God loved us first because we’re better than ‘they’ are, right?

Perhaps the reason why I’ve been unable to understand the Gospel is because, deep down, I just never really believed that the world needed it enough. Needed Grace enough that someone like Jesus would have to die for it. You know? But I guess all this is to say, God, I think you were right, I’m beginning to believe it.


~ by justinhong on August 24, 2011.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: