Today as I was walking back from the taco truck, I passed an elderly Chinese lady. She had a sort of scowl on her face so I was hesitant to smile and say hi. At the last second I decided to go for it and I was surprised. I was surprised because her face turned into a big, sincere-looking (who can be sure?) smile much quicker than I thought it could. I expected audible creaks, the stress of long-forgotten gears turning the ends of her mouth upward; but there it was, easy and natural. It makes me feel like maybe I can understand Ken a bit more, why he is always confused when asked “What’s wrong?” I wonder if that lady really was scowling, or perhaps it was a default face she trained herself to wear because it keeps strangers from bothering her. Perhaps I am just not as good as reading things/reading into things as I believe I am.


I had another thing that I wanted to write about here, but I didn’t write it down, so I forgot what it was.


Recently we’ve been having some hard Betty times. But it’s the type of hard that is hopeful, I think. I’m not sure what it is about her, but I have a feeling that she — and everything that is wrapped up within her tiny being: what happens with/to her, where she ends up, how she thinks and understands people and the world — is very important. Maybe there is only one Love and many ways to show it. Maybe not all of us are called to love in every way. But I get the feeling that the type of love that this situation calls for is Fundamental. There is no overestimating Grace, it will always blow our minds, but… I don’t know. I just think it’s important. That we have a chance here and I am concerned because I know myself enough to know that I am fickle and shortsighted and selfish and lazy… But that there is the hope of something real happening. I find myself wondering if I have ever allowed myself to enter into Reality before this. Does this make sense? Does anyone else feel this way? Is she really just another old, sad lady?


~ by justinhong on July 21, 2011.

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