I just remembered, v2.0

We were younger once. At some point we began to run. We were so sure there’d be a large, clearly delineated, defined Gap. When we got there we’d jump across it and then we’d be Men. We are twenty-something now and our legs are strong from the running. Our bodies are big, our faces have hair, our skin is beginning to settle and toughen from the years. We look like men, but we haven’t reached the Gap yet. Have we? Will we? The question is, when will we know. The line reaching back to our boy-selves is so clearly visible. Sure we think differently and sometimes feel older, like we’ve learned something. But there’s none of that dramatic shift in perspective, that discontinuity with the past littleself.

The scary thing is that I am beginning to be able to project forward as well as look back. In both directions it’s often hard to see any less confusion or more surety about what it means to live well or to do what is Right. Am I just easily swayed? Don’t things just get more complicated, instead of less?

Perhaps in many ways “growing up” is not something we choose, but something that just happens slowly and surely. But that doesn’t necessarily involve any crazy or noticeable change in the experience of Life. It’s hard even for me to articulate how I feel about this.

—–

I’ve been thinking more about discipline lately, especially in regards to writing. I like the idea of hard work resulting to better work, but I’ve never really believed it for my writing, at least not to the point where I would actually practice. I guess deep down I’ve always thought of it as something that people have or have not. Usually it comes fairly easy to me, but I’m beginning to understand that this does not mean I can’t get better.

I want to take classes for so many reason/in so many subjects. Writing, drawing, jiujitsu, nutrition, anatomy. Paramedic School. Fire Academy. There’s lots of stuff to know, guys.

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~ by justinhong on July 21, 2011.

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