Life has been busy. It’s funny that my last post was about breathing and yet lately, I don’t feel like I’ve been doing very much of it. I haven’t made it out for San Tung in too long, I’m not sure what’s going on with Fedor and I now wake up naturally before 8am… Why Life, why?

I am also 9.5/10ths of the way to becoming a full fledged EMT! That is pretty exciting to me. I guess I never thought about it before but it’s strange that you can go through 22 years of schooling and not have any real, useful skills, isn’t it? Well I feel like I have a few now (that is: 8, the last four are being tested on Saturday!). So if anyone needs some splints or a set of vitals or bleeding control or O2 administration or spinal immobilization or to be assessed for trauma/medical illness, I can somewhat satisfactorily do that for you!

Life is crazy, guys. Isn’t it? Doesn’t it seem to make less and less sense as we go along? It’s becoming more understandable why people have always tried to boil it all down to platitudes. It seems like it’s almost all we can do, sometimes. Just be honest. Work hard. Life’s short. Etc etc. And we’re all so blessed. Pretty much everyone I know is attractive, smart, relatively well off financially and emotionally. But if we’re this confused and sad (sometimes) where’s the hope for the rest of those people who ring our bell daily and/or use our toilets incorrectly?

It’s only been a month of 60-ish hour weeks and my eyelid twitches non-stop. My stomach has become more rebellious as I continue to mistreat my body, dietwise and restwise and stresswise. But I know, I know that people out there work way harder than I do at infinitely more mundane and meaningless things. I’m rambling, I know.

I’ve seen more sick people in the past month than I probably ever have before. But not just seen. Touched, smelled, spoken to, watched, sat for extended periods in a heated, movable box. Everyone looks a bit more beautiful after that. A 90 year old lady showing classic signs of stroke, but is it a stroke or just residual effects from the one she had last month? One lady’s 50-60 year old children neglected to give her her stool softening meds so she passed out while bearing down on the toilet. We search around for a DNR, just in case. It’s all so different when you redefine “emergency”. Even cancer is non-emergent, from certain perspectives. When you go lights and sirens to meet a person who is possibly dying, you can’t help but wonder why everyone else seems like they are in just as much of a hurry as you are.

I guess all I’m (poorly) trying to say is what so many people have said before. Every time I think I’m getting a handle on myself or the world or reality as a whole, life very quickly proves me so so wrong. It is fortunate our faith values Humility. It seems to come naturally anyway, either as a posture you adopt or something hard and heavy that breaks you. I am sure that Truth and Conviction etc fit in there somewhere, but it does seem like now is a time for me to begin figuring out more and more of what I just don’t know (and didn’t know I didn’t know). I guess I am glad, and it is supremely freeing, that it doesn’t seem like it’s my job to have it figured out. Gladdening because I really think there is someone who is actually qualified to do/be that, and freeing because that gives me room and space and permission(!) to be small, to be an EMT (and maybe someday a firefighter?), to be tired and to write long and undecipherable blog posts.


~ by justinhong on June 8, 2011.

One Response to “Hectic”

  1. wow. how did i just discover your blog. i am going to add it to my google reader.

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