Impressions

I love it when people are surprised by me. I love it that my first impressions often differ so much from reality. I’d prefer to dress down than up. I err on the side of dishevelment (if you haven’t noticed.)

I heard that Zach was surprised when he found out that I lead Tuesday night circuit, that I am somewhat athletic. James once told me, “When I first got here, I thought you were the dumb asian.” Haha, something about how much I like TBL or watching youtube fights. The (dis?)advantage of always looking underdressed, is that when you actually wear nice clothing, people definitely notice. I like hearing, things like, “I didn’t know you played guitar!” A friend of mine told me that she wished I was the person in this blog in real life; I guess in contrast to the witty, handsome and gregarious person I normally am. But wouldn’t that ruin the surprise?

I guess we all have some choice over what image we want to project. And I think there is always some fear involved. What if I aim too low, and the impression is just so bad that no one actually wants to dig deeper and find the ‘gems’ that are hidden? Or, What if even after all is found and collected, the end product, the sum of Self, is still disappointing? Humans are complex and messy and insane. We are products and we are creators. Broken and beautiful.

This may be a recurring theme, but the idea of being ‘fully known’ is fearsome and daunting. Can there be vulnerability without pain? But isn’t it also the essence of Home? A place where you are known and accepted? Accepted despite being known and accepted because you are known. And then, sometimes the acceptance comes first. “Promise me you won’t leave/judge/get angry if I tell you…”

And in a special case, the Acceptance came with the Knowledge. We were the enemies of Love Himself and he knew it. He knew it and he died because of it. Because. Because we were his enemies we killed him. And because we were his enemies, he came to wake us up, to set us free, to bring us Home.

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~ by justinhong on January 13, 2011.

4 Responses to “Impressions”

  1. This is a comment on your blog.
    Yeah.
    Actually, I am still experiencing this confusing multi-leveled Justin impression.

  2. When I first met you, you just turned 21, and I think you may have been drunk, and I remembered thinking you were a big dumb asian guy who had no athletic ability at all. I also wasn’t even sure if Christians could drink at that time, so you really introduced me to a new world. thanks.

  3. i like this post a lot. also, i got to know you through book club, so i knew you as deep and insightful, like your blog. i was surprised when i learned about “intern you.” 😛 i was like “who is this guy?”

  4. haha what is “intern” me? 😛

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