While laying in bed for about an hour last night between the hours of 3 and 4am I had a good deal of time to think about a lot of things. The Future. The Present. “Life” (what’s a good working definition of Life anyways?). Etc, etc, etc. I think if I were to summarize and encapsulate all the many resolutions I’ve been throwing around in my head it would all come down to: “Choose better.”

Somewhere along the way I’ve allowed myself to wallow in comfort. I always have all these thoughts and ideas of living to the fullest and seeking to extract The Marrow from the limited time I’ve been granted here on God’s good earth, but in spite of all this I’ve become about as lazy as I’ve ever been. I let so much time go to waste.

I’m afraid that a big part of it has been a subconscious perversion of the idea of “unconditional Love”. Were I to reason it out in any real way, I’m confident that I would have realized long ago that it’s absurd to use the fact that God (and to a certain extent, people) will love me regardless of my income or social standing or appearance as an excuse to just be really slothful and gluttonous and “laid-back” (read: a bum). But for the longest time I feel like I’ve allowed to live in just that way. It’s definitely been a blessing to not feel the incessant pressure and fear and anxiety of a worldly and overly ambitious life; but last night, the idea of doing things Well, and being the type of man that is Different and is able to stand firm in hardship, one who is unquestionably full of the Lord’s energy to steward his time and resources for the good of those around them, all these images loomed Large in my feverishly racing mind.

So, “choose better.” I think I told someone that after this break I’m suffering from Laziness-fatigue; I’m just getting really tired of being so damn lazy. The general idea is that when I’m faced with two choices and I know that one is the better thing to do (i.e. go running, get groceries, cook, not-eat-out, take out the compost) but the other option is oh-so tempting (usually: nap and/or get a burrito), I will just tell myself to man up and do what needs to be/should be done. Simple enough right? I’ve already seen somewhat positive results since waking up this morning, for example: I kept myself from napping today and got a decent amount of studying done and I tried to do more stuff around the church voluntarily instead of waiting for someone else to take care of it, or tell me to.  Baby steps, yeah?

In other news, I bought a field guide of North American trees and tried to ID the trees in my backyard the other day. I spent almost an hour and identified exactly ZERO trees! Pretty sad. Also, I signed up for the Oakland Half Marathon which is happening at the end of March. This will be my first competitive run and I am so far from being in shape for it that it’s not even funny. Nevertheless, I’m pretty excited to get back in shape and maybe build lifelong healthy habits along the way?

Warning: The following may sound kind of like something Taylor or Ken would say.

Last night when I was thinking about all these ways to improve myself and be more efficient and responsible with my life, I was thinking about what I would be like if I was fitter, harder-working, cleaner cut, better dressed, more energetic and outgoing (which in my mind isn’t too far fetched if I actually start trying at this Living thing); and one of my first thoughts was, “Well, I wouldn’t be single for long!” I guess a lot of people just think really highly of themselves? But even so, I’m pretty far from being any of those things, so in the end, I guess I’m still a pretty humble guy.


~ by justinhong on January 4, 2010.

One Response to “New”

  1. […] New, January 4 2) Crap, January 9 3) Clarity, January 28 4) Remote Control, February 9 5) Mental Note, […]

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