Distractions

Lately I’ve had a few ideas of what to write but I just lack the motivation. I think I’m ready to go. On more nights than I care to admit, I find myself sitting in front of my computer screen wondering if I should find something to watch or play a game, and realizing that I don’t care much for either.

Are drastic changes prerequisite to new perspective, to a fresher existence? Is it just me? I have few doubts that my impending trip will be an eye-opening and life stretching experience; but what doubts I do have nag at me and question whether I can really blame my environment and modern culture for the apathy and sloth that characterize too many of my days. Will things really be different in Canada? Am I buying into some romantic delusion about the medicinal quality of wild things and fresher-than-fresh air? Will what looked from a further vantage point to be healthy solitude and sturdy Life-with-a-capital-L — these things I lay awake at night anticipating — will they, when confronted, dissolve into the familiar tatters of the merely “new”, the transient satisfaction of gaining what you only thought you wanted?

And of course, the unsatisfactory answer (or perhaps it is completely satisfactory… I can’t decide) is: the will or they will not. All questions will be answered and all potentialities will solidify when I step foot on the farm.

There are few guarantees in life. But in exactly one month, it is my great privilege to enter into an environment where I am guaranteed to learn something new every day. And it’s a good thing that I’ve come to enjoy learning. It’s a good thing I’ve come to enjoy plaid, that I appreciate dirt on my hands (not because I enjoy uncleanliness; but isn’t there something satisfying about your work having a tangible and physical effect on you?), that physical fatigue is now something I relish, for what other reason would God have made young men so boundless in energy? So many things to be grateful for; so many trajectories and instances coming to a point. Lewis speaks of our Lord as ‘the myth become fact’. May 2 strikes me as ‘the whim become reality’. How things can change in mere months! How scary and hopeful and thrilling is that?

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~ by justinhong on April 2, 2009.

2 Responses to “Distractions”

  1. yes and no – i think the change of scenery is going to be amazing. really, intentional displacement has a way of rattling the cage in so many unexpected ways. but also you are you – no matter where you go you’re still Justin (not in a bad way haha, not saying you’re lazy or whatever, just that whether in Canada or Berkeley or NYC WHICH SHOULD BE YOUR NEXT CHOICE haha that similar issues will arise, such is the nature of being mortal).

    very impressed with the look of it 🙂

  2. i feel like enjoying your blog as a passive observer, not really interested in spitting opinions unless something makes me feel strongly :} i like what john said; i think it makes sense, and is true of my own experiences. but this experience will leave an imprint on you, i’m sure none of us doubts that.

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