so publishing my thoughts on this topic is probably going to
make people think that i spend way more time than i actually do pondering when
and where God is going to decide to make some lucky girl really happy by
placing me in her life… but i guess i’m ok with that (especially since some of
you actually showed interest).

dating
i was walking to the RSF yesterday
and my mind was kind of perusing the shelves of memories stored up over the
past few years. i began to realize that during my time in college i had grown,
and kind of a lot. now there’s no real way of telling whether or not i would
have grown even more had i ever had the chance to be in a relationship, but i
think that’s besides the point.
i think most of us would agree that
there are things that we can learn about God and the world and life in general
when we are single that we could not learn if we were in a dating relationship or
marriage  (and of course, vice versa). as i pondered this idea i realized that if this is the case, if we
can truly only learn certain things and grow in certain areas of our lives when
our hearts are undivided (or at least not divided in the way they would be in a
romantic relationship) then demanding or being disappointed at God for not
blessing us with a significant other seems to communicate an underlying message.
this message is that these lessons
that can solely be taught to us while we are single are relatively unimportant
or that they are at an end. relatively unimportant because we value a
relationship with a person over what God might deem desirable for us to learn
or grow in, or at an end because i almost feel like the only time we might
rightly demand such a relationship from God (if ever) is if we feel that we
have learned all we can learn on our own and it is time for the next lesson to
begin.
(now, this is not to say that God
will not allow us to be in such relationships before we are “perfect” singles,
but i think it helped me to see my error in having an attitude of being wronged
or disappointment at my current marital status.)

a couple weeks ago pastor todd was
giving a sermon and at some point he said something along the lines of “regeneration
is not a perfect church because there are imperfect people in it. and if you
ever find a perfect church, don’t join it because you’ll ruin it.”
i think that this idea could be
applied to dating too. (again take these things i’m saying not as arguments of
the prerequisites for getting into a dating relationship, but rather as
thoughts on the attitude we should have towards God and our brothers and
sisters when we are sitting in bed at night wondering how we could be so good
looking and still not have a
girl/boyfriend.)
in the act of expecting or
demanding to be in a dating relationship we are, in a sense, declaring that we
will be good for the other person. in high school a motivational speaker came
and tried to motivate the girls to not be pressured into sex for fear of losing
boys’ love because, as he explained love is “choosing the highest good for the
other person” (which i think is biblical). so with this in mind, to demand a
relationship is on par with declaring to God and to man that in some way shape
or form your presence, and specifically romantic presence, in that person’s
life will improve their spiritual and emotional condition. and i think i’ve
realized that i’m a long way from being able to guarantee this (and so, the Lord
giveth in his time.)

parenthood
this doesn’t have much do to
with the previous part, but while i was thinking about the dating stuff i began
to realize what a big responsibility parenthood is. actually I take it back, this
does have to do with the last part. once
we decide that we are perfect singles and that our presence in another’s life
will be 100% beneficial and finally get married, i honestly believe that our
job as parents will be to create a home environment worth being born into. now,
i am completely convinced that this will never happen without God’s help and
grace, but think about it. what sense is there to bring a child into the world
to be brought up by parents who don’t love each other, who don’t forgive one
another and refuse to be understanding or submit to one another because of
their own pride and/or stubbornness? (none, i think). now of course this is not
to say that children born of bad parents would be better off had they never
been born, but i don’t think it’s God’s desire for anyone to have to grow up in a situation like that. so people who already
in relationships, good luck cuz you’re going first ;D

and finally, i hope my kids are like jason kim, because
then, if there’s a blackout we’ll be ok even if we don’t have flashlights or
candles handy.

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~ by justinhong on May 22, 2007.

19 Responses to “”

  1. I feel that Christians tend to over spiritualize dating and that’s why we’re so disfunctional, here are some Todd quotes:
    It’s funny as a married guy and as a pastor, to watch couples in the church date. Some people, they’ve got it down and it’s all cool and that, but some people get too wacko and super spiritual about the whole deal.
    And they’ll get all mystical and say that, “Oh, we’re not really attracted to each other, but it’s God’s will that we’re together.”And I’ll say, “Well, do you like each other?””No””Attracted to each other?””No””Do you love each other?””No, but we will, because it’s God’s will”And I always wonder, “How did you decide? You got a Bible and I’ve got a Bible so let’s get married?” And I don’t get that at all, so don’t over spiritualize dating.
    But then there are others who are in a relationship for like 50 years and they still don’t know if they could get married or not, and they’ll go, “I’m waiting for that special sign and the sun to be a certain way and the ten dreams in a row” and all these weird signs and stuff, and it’s like, “Please, knock it off.” Don’t over spiritualize it.
    And I’m all for having the right ingredients for a guy and a gal when they hook up, but make sure you’re working with what is in reality off of God’s checklist. Don’t come up with this strange criteria on your own.
    In fact, I have this friend and he’s still not married after all these years, and he has this checklist and this is what his wife has to be. It’s her hair color and her eye color, her social position, her economic position, her sense of humor, her intelligence. “Is she faster than a speeding bullet, I wonder? Can she leap tall buildings?” And I read his list and I always make fun of him, because I’m like, “If this person really exists, why would she be interested in you?”
    And instead of making a list and making people line up with your unrealistic expectations, maybe you should spend more time being the kind of person a person would want to marry.
    ***
    You see, I meet some Christians, and for a lack of a better term, they’re kinda spooky. They get overly mystical when seeking relationships and looking for signs like is this person glowing in the dark.And they’ll be like, “The Lord told me to be with this person.” “Great” and then the next week,”The Lord told me to be with this person.””Well, what about that person? Did God change his mind?””Well, the Lord told me to be with this person, then that person.”And really, I don’t think that’s the Lord there.And on the flip side, people will be like, “Oh, I really like this guy, we really like each other and we’re growing together, but the Lord said we shouldn’t be together.””Was it like an audible voice? Did He come in form and say, ‘You shouldn’t be together?'”And often, I think we take the Lord’s name and we throw it into our own personal agendas to make it sound all spiritual, when in reality, it’s us being freaks.And understand what we’re doing when we do that is that we’re giving God a bad reputation. It’s something that we are not to do, and that’s taking His name in vain or using His name in a vain way.So if you don’t want to go out with someone, instead of saying, “The Lord spoke to me saying, ‘We shouldn’t be together'”, just say the truth, “I think you’re weird, I don’t want to go out with you. Now go away.”But if the guy’s like, “But the Lord said we’re supposed to be together.” Then you have this think, “is God skizo?” or something.It’s not that way. Don’t overspiritualize stuff and use His name in a vain way.
    [Todd Spitzer, Ruth 2 and Ruth 3]
    from: http://www.recastweb.com/Ruth.php
    anyways, this is kinda random, I’m not usually up at 2am, so my judgment is impaired right now, but enjoy my randomness!

  2. Good stuff Victor.I kind of don’t want to explain my last comment. Just ask me or Justin personally if you want to know what I meant.Good stuff. I might respond with a post of my own.

  3. wow.. the comments scattered throughout this thing guss..

    wondering how we could be so good looking and still not have a girl/boyfriend ?
    HAHAHAHAHAHA
    pondering when and where God is going to decide to make some lucky girl really happy by placing me in her life?????
    well brother, i could punch or hug you for those two comments 😉 probably the 2nd.  🙂 hope you’re well.  come back so we can have another plutos run!! wuhoo!!  or fine.. buffalo wings run or whatever since you hate salad 😉

  4. “thoughts on the attitude we should have towards God and our brothers and sisters when we are sitting in bed at night wondering how we could be so good looking and still not have a girl/boyfriend”you are so lame!!! (…but i think the same thing for you… but like you said. God has his timing!)

  5. i wonder at what point we just have to accept our faults and take that leap towards an interest; we can sit and aim to improve ourselves and live holier and holier lives, but ideally we’d find someone who amidst all the crap we have would still choose to love us.i think ur biological clock is ticking a lil bit

  6. yeah john, i think you’re right. i mean we’re never going to be perfect and i think that’s why i tried to really emphasize that this isn’t a list of prerequisites for being in a relationship. i mean most people probably aren’t “ready” for one until they’ve been in one for some time haha.
    but yeah these were more thoughts i came up with when i realized that it was absurd to be really dramatic towards God and ask “WHY?!?!” when i really have no grounds for complaining.

  7. I agree that our purpose in a relationship is to improve spiritual and emotional aspects in someones life, but I also wanted to point out that at the same time we should expect and demand that from whoever we are dating. like you said its not about being a perfect single, but being someone that will make whoever youre dating a better person. It kind of reminds me of the whole christian dating triangle things, with the boy the girl and God being the three points. also if you want a girlfriend just Man-Up and ask one out. you can probably get one to say yes. oh and because vince plugged pastor Todd let me just say that Pastor Mcmanus from the mosaic in LA just finished a sermon series on relationships where the sermons were given in a tag team by him and his wife. theyre pretty awesome. also I really hope your kids dont glow in the dark. I would hate to date someone who glows in the dark, I would never be able to go to the movies with them.

  8. i really like everyone’s thoughts =)

  9. hmm good thoughts. coincidentally, i just listened to this one today. thats john piper for ya =))http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2007/2162_Single_in_Christ_A_Name_Better_Than_Sons_and_Daughters/

  10. my therapist said that she had no problems with me dating. and then i asked God if it was time…and He said no…and then we found out why. hahaha.

  11. haha jason. “you can probably get one to say yes.” shotgun approach huh?

  12. I will be in berkeley this weekend. and yes it is the shotgun approach. 5% of the time it works everytime.

  13. i think everyone has pretty much said everything that can possibly be said..so i just wanted to say i enjoyed your thoughts and i mostly agree just…dont do the shotgun thing =P

  14. I hope that you all know that in the world outside of school, the number of young eligible people is diminished from 10000 strapping college students to say like 10. We should just have senior class all hook up together and make babies. I mean the only real thing that matters in a relationship both the man and the woman has a relationship with Jesus right?

  15. ahahaha amen ken! are you online at work?? :O

  16. um Ken is suggesting a giant class of 07 orgy. I really cant condone that at all. oh and remember even though your class may have graduated, the class below you is still in school….. it worked for me?

  17. Oh shoot… [Former] Small Group Leader Jason Optimus Prime Kim is telling us the young ones are off the blacklist!

  18. omgpeople’s comments are getting more and more ridiculousyou are young! you have time! don’t do anything crazy.. =)and what is your meyers-briggs, btw

  19. Justin Hong FTW. This is the first Xanga comment I’ve written in maybe 2 years. Good stuff, Mr. Hong.

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