i really think that despite any hurt or frustration (which we never fail to mention, for some reason) i will really really miss you guys, though many of us will still be around i get the feeling it won’t feel the same, i.e. we won’t all be enrolled in the same school, nor will we be tied to living with and near one another.

it’s strange to think that the next iv large group i attend, i will attend as a visitor. honestly, none of this has sunk in at all. it hasn’t sunk in that the fellowship that has nourished and encouraged me, dug up and replanted me, stretched and pruned me, that this place, this family, in some (though definitely not all) deep and important ways needs to be and will be left behind.

was that seriously my last large group as a college student? is this semester, year, era seriously coming to an end? if i wasn’t so afraid of being cowardly (if that’s even possible) i’d choose denial. to deny that it’s over. to deny that things will end when they will end, and they end leaving cries of ‘this is not right, this is not perfect. nothing truly ends until it is perfect.’ unheeded, echoing deep within the reaches of my soul.

things will end when they will end. we will graduate, we will move on and we will continue living.

life as a series of leaving the past and bringing along what you need and treasure. a series of losings and findings. it is encouraging that while most of the past twentytwo years has flown by beneath the radar, i’ve somehow managed to retain certain precious gifts, in people and memories and thoughts and beliefs, enough at least to keep moving ahead. and what lies ahead is continually and unceasingly uncertain.

it being 4am my physical state closely matches my emotional state. at this point the thought of a new beginning is exhausting. and my honest fear is that i don’t have enough energy left to finish this act of my life gracefully.

but i guess we don’t hope in what is certain. for who hopes in what he sees? and our God is in the business of grace. he is my portion, sometimes it seems, he is not much more. but he is never less. and i guess, for that, and for a great deal of orther things, i am thankful.

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~ by justinhong on May 5, 2007.

12 Responses to “”

  1. Hey is this last year or something? This post is kinda good!

  2. heyy πŸ˜‰ but the next step is the exciting part.  i think you’ll love post-college more than college!!  but yeah,, how blessed y’all were to be in such great community!

    πŸ™‚

  3. well written.

  4. πŸ˜€

  5. I think you are so cool. Hm, I’m going to miss you.

  6. aww justin πŸ™‚

  7. justin im scaaarrrreeeeeddddd :(graduating kinda sucks. well. not really. but kinda…

  8. =)

  9. i like this post! πŸ™‚

  10. mm hmm.

  11. don’t leave, you guys.. don’t go 😦

  12. i didn’t get to read it until now. it’s nice to know how you are feeling for graduation. and i guess we are all thankful that God has given us each other.

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