do you ever feel like just picking yourself up and leaving? no, not to take a walk or even on vacation, but just packing up and getting as far the hell away from here as you can. i know you have and i know you do. let’s go, leave, escape. maybe i’m being stupid, maybe i’m being selfish (maybe i’m being adolescent) but there’s gotta be more to life than this.

18’s coming around the corner (and has already hit some of you). i go to school with adults. i have a vivid memory of me sitting on the shelf of that case of guns we still have at my old house, and asking my mom when i’d turn 5? 6? okay, maybe not that vivid. but still pretty damn good considering my memory is shot, i can’t even remember what i did three days ago, unless i really think about it.

what’s the use in trying if there’s no one on the other side to let you know you’re doing any good? or, if they’re there, but they just don’t know it. it’s like screaming at the top of your lungs to warn a deaf person or waving your hands to get a blind man’s attention. maybe i should stop trying so hard. God’s got a plan for me right? right.

i hate myself for still being up.


~ by justinhong on February 26, 2003.

2 Responses to “”

  1. pack your bags. let’s go.
    no, seriously, i know what you mean. i’m 17. so old and it feels like i haven’t accomplished anything. anything meaningful, anyway. and we all try so hard, to make something of ourselves, to make an imprint somewhere. sometimes i feel like i’m trying desperately to scratch an existance in this world but all i’m doing is breaking my fingernails.
    it’s especially frustrating when there are no rewards, no fruits of our labor. which is often. asian mentality teaches us to strive and work ahead and do our best. sometimes i don’t even question why anymore, i just do. you know? like taking the hardest classes or whatever.
    but i hope you remember that you are a fantastic person, incredibly fun to have around (yes, even when you’re kicking trash cans at me), and also very handy as a garbage disposal. even though maybe i haven’t gotten to know you as well as i’d like to, i think i’m a decent judge of a someone’s character, and from all the time i’ve spent with you i know that you’re a wonderful, intelligent, witty, and good-hearted person.
    and as for having no one on  “the other side”, i suppose we all have to be there for one another. and i hope you know i’m here for you, if you need me.
    goodnight, p-p-piglet. :]

  2. yea justin i feel like that ALL the time =P but then you know there IS more to life. It’s sometimes hard to see the point of wut we do at school. unmotivated. =P but idleness is a sin and God placed you to be a student. So do it for His glory. like i pray before I ppaint or before i go to school. I pray that everything i’d do would be for  His glory. and helps me see everything in a new perspecctive. Don’t forget we’re at school for our friends too. You know what you supposed ot do. =) hang in there justinA!

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