i’m such a bad brother. i thought you’d all like to know. but yeah, it was my brother’s birthday yesterday (well now it was two days ago, technically, saturday) and i didn’t go to his birthday dinner cuz i went to kerry’s house (i didn’t even remember and since i didn’t see anyone when i went home i just left). i also neglected to buy him a present 😛 today i wanted to tell him happy birthday but it kinda seemed like it’d be weird and out of the blue, but in any case i was too grumpy cuz mcnabb gave us hw (for some reason i get moody a lot, maybe lack of sleep). so yeah, happy birthday ryan.

i just got home from like a 2.5 hour hang out session with the bear. haha it was fun, i haven’t gotten to talk to him in awhile and we actually talked about some meaningful stuff (well at least i think so). mainly relationship/future stuff. and even though i knew before i think i better understand now how un-ready i am to be in any kind of romantic relationship, particularly with ‘her’ (haha yes YOU, i’m just putting this here so you can wonder who you are). i also re-realized how much of a bastardflakejerk i can be and have been in the past (sorry.) which is another reason why i shouldn’t have a girlfriend any time in the near future.

i had a strange dream last night (one of several i’ve had in past nights). i found out that my dad had a terminal disease of some kind and he only had one day to live. the whole time i kept wanting to talk to him about stuff we’ve never talked about (e.g. life love and i guess God, even though i wasnt thinking about it in the dream) but for some reason i couldn’t bring myself to do it. don’t get me wrong, this special disease didn’t leave him bedridden and decaying, in fact he looked as healthy as ever, just the threat of death loomed over the whole scene. i remember feeling a pervading sense of anxiety and sadness at the thought of never really connecting with him and hoping that perhaps the illness would just give me one more day, then i could ask him to lunch and we could talk. but (i think fortunately) the dream ended prematurely. i wonder if that’s how i’m going to feel before my dad actually passes, hopefully i won’t live to regret not taking the oppurtunities i have to learn from my parents’ experience and whatnot (even though i probably will) 😛

but yeah, just thought i’d share one of the strange things that go on in my head nightly. gnight.


~ by justinhong on January 27, 2003.

One Response to “”

  1. hi mitsu
    you girl bastard! t@_@_@_@ hehe jk

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