daphneeeeeeee: trust me
daphneeeeeeee: one day
daphneeeeeeee: it will be
daphneeeeeeee: beautiful.
daphneeeeeeee: even if you have it now
daphneeeeeeee: it wont be
daphneeeeeeee: what you
daphneeeeeeee: are thinking
daphneeeeeeee: its
daphneeeeeeee: ……..
daphneeeeeeee: not the foreverness
daphneeeeeeee: its not sandlot forever

haha that should be in a book (somewhere… maybe the dictionary… haha jk). thanks daphnio 🙂

but yeah i think my head is clearer now and i’m thinking straighter. sometimes it’s just so hard to rely on God. even though i hear over and over about how much he loves me and i’ve even experienced it so many times. and yet, being the logic driven asian male i am, sensory things seem to be such a quick and easy means of being happy.

it’s like peter said today. i’m a “winner” in the sense that i don’t pray until the very end when i’m cornered and desperate. i mean why rely on God when i can just do it myself, right? wrong.(!) like the disciples who failed to exorcise the demon from the little boy, what happens when i reach a barrier i can’t get past by my own power? (i.e. my need to have someone other than God to feel fulfilled) THEN i’ll turn to God.

peter put it really well. when we use God as a sort of last resort we skew the sitation. when we need help we rub the lamp and God comes out saying “what can i do for you?” who’s the master and who’s the slave? that’s right. haha i’ve gotten to the point that i ask God “what should i do?” i mean should i pursue relationships with certain people or not? i get a kick out of imagining God “up there” (whatever that means) sitting on his throne just looking down on a world filled with war and starvation and then looking at me, in my bed, sitting there crying out for help. he’s probably like “uhhhhhh… maybe you should get a job” haha jk, he’d probably say something along the lines of “what about all those songs you sing during praise about how i’m all you want/need? dude! you’re 17, what do you want with a girl anyways? you’ve still got at least 5 years before you’re out of SCHOOL. and another, what 4 years before you’ll be making enough money to support a family. haha you’ve got a long way to go son. so just go to sleep and don’t worry about it. i’ve got it covered.” haha SOMETHING like that. i just wish he’d come out and say it though, cuz then i could just contently go to bed and dream about sugarplums and… ahem, girls. hehe jk 😉 (though sometimes i might, but it’s not like i can control that). and yeah, not to mention the odds are like 12345623462 to one. 😉 cool people shouldn’t be allowed anywhere in the vicinity, they tend to attract me.

onward ho! let life try and get me down.. time to work off those curly fries.


~ by justinhong on January 6, 2003.

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